Nine-year-old girl, planning game: So he’ll be the priest, and you can be the wet nurse.

Mount Vernon, New York

Little girl in stall: No boys allowed in here!
Little boy in the next stall: Well, my name's Simon!

Girls' Bathroom, Clemyjontri Park
McLean, Virginia

Overheard by: Ellen

Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!

University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska

Frustrated neighbor: It’s only gay if we do it outside a vagina!

Derby, Connecticut

Overheard by: Jess

Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!


Teen girl: Have you noticed that he's getting gayer by the minute? I swear he's getting gayer and gayer–and his eyebrows are getting smaller and smaller.
Teen guy: Ah, yes. The all too telling gay-to-eyebrow ratio…

Olympia, Washington

Overheard by: ninita

Jesuits: Eeexcellent…!

Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.

North Dakota State University

Overheard by: Chelsea

(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.

Ocala, Florida

Oblivious lady #1: I just don't know what to do with all of that junk back there.
Oblivious lady #2: Where, in your trunk?
Oblivious lady #1: Yeah, there's just so much junk in my trunk!

Guelph, Ontario

Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!

Commuter Train

Overheard by: strictly boxers.