As I Proved Conclusively in My Doctoral Thesis

Professor, looking at picture of optical illusion: Here…we have…a bunch of lines.

Northwestern Univeristy
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 28, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Illinois, Sensory experiences, Teachers

Or You'll Spill Your Wine

Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!

Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana

Overheard by: whitney

Posted on July 27, 2015
Advice, Colleges & Universities, Default, Drinking & drunks, Indiana, Teachers, Weirdness

…No Offense If Your Parents Are in Prison, Keisha.

Feminist student, about discussion: No, this is completely wrong! We shouldn't be congratulating men for not having affairs!
Teacher: Yes, that's exactly right! I mean, it's like when we congratulate black people for staying out of prison!
(stunned silence)

Kendrick School
Columbus, Georgia

Overheard by: MJH

Posted on July 27, 2015
Education, Georgia, Infidelity, Race, Students, Teachers

Laser Pointers Are for Girls!

Australian lecturer: Nakedness wasn't good until now. Now it's great.

College
Portland, Oregon

Posted on July 26, 2015
Advice, Body parts, Oregon, Sensory experiences, Teachers

Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?

Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

Posted on July 25, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Education, Stupidity, Teachers, Washington, DC, Words

I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall

Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.

University of Michigan

Overheard by: getout

Posted on July 24, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Education, History, Idiots, Michigan, Stupidity, Teachers

I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?

Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on July 23, 2015
Colorado, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drugs, Guys, Money, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Smoking, Students, Teachers, Threats

We'll Now Proceed to the Dining Hall for an On-Site Demonstration

Professor, discussing King Solomon's Mines: So they find the body in the cave, and it hasn't decomposed at all. Not such a strange thing, as those of you who've ever hidden a body in a freezer will know.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on July 23, 2015
Books, Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Default, Teachers, Weirdness

Which Brings Me to Today's Lab Assignment

Professor: Sponges can regenerate from the broken pieces. If you put a sponge through a mincing machine, you just get lots of little sponges. If you put a cow through, you get mince. If you put a person through, you get arrested.

Rhodes University
South Africa

Overheard by: Amused Zoology Student

Posted on July 22, 2015
Africa, Animals, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Crimes, Murder, Science, Teachers

Um, It's Not Messy– It's Calligraphy.

Preppy white boy: You're both women, and you're Asian! How can you have messy handwriting??
Professor: Wait, did I really just hear that?

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: The non-asian woman

Posted on July 22, 2015
Asians, Compare and contrast, Gender issues, Indiana, Preppies, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teachers, Whiteys

Teachers