Words

Female college student: Yeah, I tod did that too!
Guy college student: Did you just say “tod” instead of “totally”?
Female college student: Yeah, I never say any words that are more than two syllables!

College
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Cat

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

Restaurant server on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitches were hot. And I mean “bitches” in the best possible way.
Server: When I say “bitches,” I mean “hoes.”

Plano, Texas

Professor: The guillotine was humane. It was just humane many thousands of times.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

Peer-taught health class leader: Small group condom practice! Wooot!

Eugene, Oregon

Overheard by: nyssa

Gym teacher, during stretches: If you do it this way, it makes it easier and also more challenging.

Henry Wise Wood High School
Calgary
Canadia

Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as “frozen” as it's gonna get, well, not really because…
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?

Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand

A+

Male art student in response to female art student’s sculpture: It’s really kind of mortifyingly vaginal.

Allegheny College
Meadville Pennsylvania

Drunk guy to group of teenagers at McDonald's: Demon? Demon? Demon? Demon…

Florianópolis
Brazil

Overheard by: Marlon