“Little Bishop” Would Also Have Been Acceptable

12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!

Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina

Posted on January 13, 2016
North Carolina, Penis, Should have used a condom, Words

Knitted Her Own Wings

Female flight attendant on cell: She was the ugliest woman I had ever seen in my life! But I swear she was my guardian angel. (sighs)

Seatac airport
Seattle, Washington

Posted on January 9, 2016
Airports & flights, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Girls, Religion, Washington, Words

You're a Burkoff, Dad

Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's “giraffe”–juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.

Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on January 1, 2016
Animals, Dads, Kids, Missouri, Parenting, Words

…Wouldn't You Agree, Herb?

Wholefood store employee: I don't know, just when you think the world couldn't get any worse, suddenly there's a basil crisis.

http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2006/07/quotebook-2006/

Overheard by: Raptor

Posted on December 29, 2015
Employees, Other sites, Philosophy, Weirdness, Words

The FDA Has Less Influence Every Year

Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nana

Posted on December 28, 2015
Default, Offers and requests, Questions, Stores, Stupidity, Washington, DC, Women, Words

Christian Discovers He Has a Vocation for the Priesthood

Gay boy: … And I woke up and my room was filled with red buttons and ears of corn, then my comforter turned into a giant lake, and three purple rhinoceroses just like rose out of it! And–
Girlfriend #1: No, Christian, there is no such thing as rhinoceroses. The plural of “rhinoceros” is “rhinocerii”.
Girlfriend #2: Stacy… I don’t think that’s right… I think it may be “rhinos-“
Girlfriend #1: Courtney, that’s ridiculous, we’re being serious here…
Gay boy: Okay, guys! It doesn’t matter. Anyway, back to the story… The weirdest part is, after all that happened, I thought I liked girls…
Girlfriend #1 and girlfriend #2: Wow… That is strange…

Huntington Movie Theater
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Mo

Posted on December 18, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Drugs, Feelings, Friends, Girls, Guys, New York, Queers, Sensory experiences, Sexuality, Weirdness, Words

And Cock-Stopping’s an Essential Part of the Smith Charter

Chemistry professor, demonstrating suction filtration: … And you have to stop the cock before you turn on the water, or it will just [frantic hand motion] come all over your face.

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: amused non-major