Words

Little boy: Mommy! I want to get my daddy this card!
Mother: But honey, you don’t know what that means.
Little boy: Yes, I do! I do!
Mother: Okay, what does it mean?
Little boy: Pull my finger. It means… pull my finger! That’s what you do, right? You pull the monkey’s finger.
Mother: Um… Honey, you don’t know what that means. Here, why don’t you give Daddy this other card instead?
Little boy, crying: No! I do know what it means. I want to get my daddy this card! He would like it!
Mother, sighing: Okay, fine… But you don’t know what it means.
Little boy, happily: My daddy is really going to like this card! I just know it!

Fred Meyer
Springfield, Oregon

Man eating burrito: It's like Darwinism. You know, selective… selection.

Balboa Island, California

Overheard by: Wow.

Little boy: Look! An end-of-the world watch!

Smith's Marketplace
Salt Lake City, Utah

Professor: I am so not professional…

Rowan University
Glassboro, New Jersey

Girl #1, playing boardgame: You steer a boat with this.
Girl #2: An udder?

Edinburgh
Scotland

Overheard by: Ben seven

Guy, to friend: And so I said to him: “If you’d never seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon your life would be so different right now.”

Bus
Coventry
England

Girl, frustrated: Because every time I try to study, you yell “sausage” at me!

Bristol, Vermont

Girl on cell: You mean you need at least thirty minutes? It's only supposed to last ten minutes, that's why it's called a quickie!

UC Irvine
Irvine, California

Girl to boy: How old are you?
Boy: Two old!

Seattle, Washington

Professor: I thought it was an “Oh my god, ponies!” moment.

Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia

Overheard by: It had to be…