Advice

Translation: I’m About to Start Crying

Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she’s crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something’s wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Sam

Or You Will Just As Soon As We Stop by That Playground

Four-year-old boy: Mom, can we get a puppy?
Mom: You don't need a puppy, you have a little brother.
Four-year-old boy: Yay!

Carlsbad, California

Overheard by: californiabeaner

“Don't Jump Off That Building.” “Stop Touching That Burner.” Nag, Nag, Nag!

Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor… The wrong floor… The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.

Mackinac Island, Michigan

Overheard by: laughing

Mr. Bradshaw Sometimes Needs Help with the Basics

Loud guy on cell: Terry! Terry! Listen to me! Use that shampoo! And the conditioner! Get your hair the same way it was last week! (pause) Okay, see you there. Bye.

Oxford Street
London
England

Stop Being White in Popeye’s!

Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I’m getting. Do you know what you’re getting?
White girl: I’ve never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye’s a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I’m sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!

Popeye’s
Trenton, New Jersey

Oh, Niles Crane, We’ve Missed You So

Middle aged yuppie on cell: You know what we need? An emergency wine kit.

Outside the Coliseum
Oakland, California

Overheard by: Danial

Since Writing Messages in Blood on His Mirror Doesn't Seem to Be Doing the Trick

Girl #1: Oh, whose car do you think it is? Maybe it's his!
Girl #2: Don't hit it!
Girl #1: Or maybe I should. Give us something to talk about. Hey, remember that time I totaled your car?

Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Only a Few Orthodonists Do That

Suit walking with lady suit: Well, for that my friend went to this guy downtown and really liked him, but, um, just don’t expect flowers after.

Penrose Hospital
Colorado Springs, Colorado

This Was Often Heard on the Set of Little House…

Angry mother: Seriously, Landon, I told you, do not touch anyone else's balls!

Mini Golf
Burnham, Maine

And Then I’ll Have Fewer Exams to Grade

Accounting professor: You should drink champagne and go swimming — it’s lots of fun. Once you’re tipsy and get three to four feet underwater you have no idea which way’s up.

http://overheardatkmc.blogspot.com/2006/11/what-accountant-does-for-fun.html

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