We've Tried and We've Tried

Neighbor: Dude, condoms don't work on dogs.

Lawrence, Kansas

Posted on May 7, 2016
Advice, Animals, Compare and contrast, Condoms, Default, Guys, Kansas

Motherfucking Dog

Dude: But he fucked my mom!
Friend: Well, you did steal his dog.
Dude: Yeah, I guess.

Flea Market
Tennessee

Overheard by: Mouse

Posted on May 6, 2016
Animals, Crimes, Default, Family ties, Friends, Guys, Sex, Tennessee

Luckily So Many Other Things Taste Like Them

College girl: Just think about all the chickens that get killed every day, like just by McDonald’s.
Friend: Yeah, but you know… I don’t really care.
College girl: Oh no, I don’t care about them either, I’m just scared they’re gonna run out of chickens.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Curlee

Posted on March 11, 2016
Animals, Fears, Feelings, Food, Friends, Massachusetts, Sorority types

But It Was Actually the Four Horsemen and Their Nasty, Old Apocalypse

Professor: I thought it was an “Oh my god, ponies!” moment.

Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia

Overheard by: It had to be…

Posted on March 6, 2016
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Default, Feelings, Names, Teachers, Virginia, Words

I'm Like, “Good Boy, Cujo!”

Loud woman on cell: I mean I know he was seriously injured–he had a few fractures and sprains and he hurt his neck and back… But hey, that's what you get when you take too many shots and fall backwards down a flight of stairs because you tripped over your neighbor's dog… I'm so glad we won this case!

MBTA Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on March 5, 2016
Animals, Body parts, Default, Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, On the phone, Train, Women

How Do You Think Rudolph’s Nose Got So Red?

Drunk blonde: Do you think deer get bored? I mean, all they do is go into the wilderness and play. It’s not like they can go home and say, ‘Hey, Mom deer. Hey, Dad deer! What’s for dinner?’ I would hate to be an animal.
Driver: We are animals! And humans get bored.
Drunk blonde: Yeah, but when we get bored, we can drink and play beer pong.
Driver: How do you know deers don’t play beer pong?

Montclair State University
New Jersey

Overheard by: BTAN

Posted on February 27, 2016
Animals, Drunks, New Jersey

Clearly You've Never Had to Deal with a Crying Five-Year-Old

English teacher: Literature just isn't exciting unless people suffer. Like Dora the Explorer, nothing bad ever happens to her. The show would be a lot better if her monkey got hit by a car and died, wouldn't it?

High School
Calgary
Canadia

Overheard by: mcoo