Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What’s wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh… You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Teacher: Did you hear Germany got a new polar bear?
German exchange student: Shiza!
Guy: What’s wrong with polar bears?
German exchange student: Ugh… You have no idea.
Grady High School
Atlanta, Georgia
Woman: My salad just made a guinea pig noise.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Dude: You fail to see that the rhinoceros is not pleased that you've clogged the bathtub drain with jam and celery. She's quite angry with you. I mean, if you just shit out a canary, it's not going to want to play tonsil hockey.
Friend: How hard would it be to get you involuntarily committed to a mental institution?
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Stats professor explaining problem: And that comes out to be 13.58 when we hire monkeys to plug in the values on our calculators…[more quietly] I really do love monkeys you know…
Barnum Hall, Tufts University
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrian
Woman #1: How's your health?
Woman #2: Oh, starting to get better. I'm okay.
Woman #1: Our cat is sick. We had to bring her to the vet.
Los Angeles, California
Daughter: What’s the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
Girl on phone: Hamster ovaries? Really? I did not know that.
College
Portland, Oregon
Dumb blonde: Our Bill of Rights is so cool… Everyone must own a cat. And the Lion King.
San Diego, California
Scruffy ponytail dude on cell: Is the dog oozing or pulsing? Tell your brother to stop squeezing the guinea pig, I can hear it squealing! (pause) Yes I can! Yes I can, Ruth*! (pause) Oh, sorry, I guess grandma sneezing does sound like the guinea pig… Just wrap the dog in a towel and I'll be home in an hour.
Tampa, Florida
