Animals

Horses: Are You Putting on Weight?

Chick: … And that’s why I’m scared of horses! They’re so mean!

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Taylor Boatright

Why Girl Engineers Don’t Invite Boy Engineers to Their Slumber Parties

Engineer #1: We’re playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we’re gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].

Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois

Or They Frightened It into Submission with Religious Rhetoric

Lipstick lesbian #1: If we move into a house, we’re going to have to get some new stuff…
Lipstick lesbian #2: Wait… How did the pilgrims cut their grass?
Lipstick lesbian #1: Um, I think they had cows.

Fox and Hound
Indianapolis, Indiana

Oh, and Hugh Hefner Doesn't?

Girl reading Dirty Japanese book to another: Oh, “fuck like rabbits”? “Yari… Ma… Kuru…” Is that how you pronounce it? Do I have the accent right?
(other girl pronounces it correctly in high pitched voice)
Girl: You make “fucking like rabbits” sound so cute and adorable!

Jersey City, New Jersey

Am I the Only Goat Nanny in New Orleans?

Elderly woman on cell: Hello? What? How many goats? Give it to Nancy*. Just leave it on her porch. It's just one and I don't want it. (long pause) Put it there and ring the doorbell. I don't care how you do it, I'm on vacation, don't bother me. (hangs up phone)

Louis Armstrong International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: T Perk

Why Do You Think They're Always So Angry?

College boy #1: If I were a T-Rex I would fuck shit up.
College boy #2: Yeah, but good luck masturbating.

Hendrix College
Arkansas

Overheard by: College Girl Walking By

Ever Seen a Cat Goose-Step?

Teen girl: I put my new bra on my cat’s head and he looked like a German soldier.

New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

If You Know What I Mean

Child, as his dad videotapes a monkey: I can’t see the monkey!
Dad: You’ll see him when we get home.

Vilas Park Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: mike

Here, Have Some Incense and Peppermints

Hippie guy: I suggest you stop picking up small animals and fruit skins. It’s not good for you.

Eugene, Oregon

Like Many Of My Students, Strangely Enough.

Science professor: This is plastic deformation, like what happens to those baby-seal catchers. You know, the plastic that comes around soda cans? Sometimes you catch penguins too, but those are much harder–they run really fast, and they have no regard for their bodies. They just throw themselves off cliffs.

Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts

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