California

Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose–you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.

San Diego State University
San Diego, California

Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club–gettin' drunk? (laughs)

Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Mistopher

3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.

Gilroy, California

Overheard by: just a cart pusher

Bimbette, staring at Gay-Straight Alliance meeting sign: Oh my god, the gay thing was *so* five years ago.

Troy High School
Fullerton, California

Man #1, watching rhino: Damn, it's huge.
Man #2: Lucky bastard.

San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Nikki

Flight attendant (on PA): Chances are they're all middle seats. Find the one with the most attractive people, and take it.

Southwest Flight over California

Overheard by: Armen

Pastor: Next week we have something very exciting! We have an organist coming into Sunday school! He will be demonstrating to us how he uses his organ, so make sure to come because you won't want to miss it!

Church
Alhambra, California

Man, indicating the used wedding dress he's wearing: This was the best $35 I've ever spent. I mean, I could have spent it on Jägermeister!

Old Railroad Square
Santa Rosa, California

Loud boyfriend: Where's the rest of it? You only needed five dollars for the hat. Where's the change?
Loud girlfriend: Give it a rest, Tommy. Okay, I gave you your change.
Loud boyfriend: You know, we need the fifteen dollars for the hotel, and I need hair gel.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Pbritches

Old woman on cell: Well, I got injected twice today — once in each arm… Well, I could sure go for a third, I’ll tell you that much!

Car wash
La Mirada, California

Overheard by: Higgins