Yet You Won't Swallow Your Husband's Semen?

Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.

Starbucks
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Pips

Posted on August 9, 2019
Animals, Body parts, California, Feelings, Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Pee, Questions, Stupidity, Women

Gay Fashion Designers?

Skinny white kid: Who doesn’t love black chicks with fat asses?

Political Theory class, University of Southern California
Los Angeles, California

Posted on July 15, 2019
California, Class, Kids, Questions, Race, Whiteys

My Generation Wisely Prefers Wii Relationships

Teen girl: They've broken up three times, and it never goes well for me.

Studio City, California

Overheard by: Urz

Posted on June 29, 2019
Bringing it back to you, California, Relationships, Teens

The Cum-stained Pants Were Also a Tip-Off

Professor to another: I saw you walk in with your purse, messenger bag, and backpack. You've been having sex again?

USC School of Social Work
California

Posted on June 23, 2019
California, Colleges & Universities, Fashion, Questions, Sex, Teachers

And Can You Wear Your Leather Pants Again?

(five-year-old girl tries to hit puppy with a toy)
Step-mom: I’m gonna hit you with that toy.
Five-year-old girl: How hard?

Fresno, California

Posted on June 16, 2019
California, Default, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Threats, Toys, Violence

She Does This Every Hour.

Substitute teacher, as bird clock chimes on the hour: Is that a real bird, or is that just my drinking problem?
Class: [Silence.]Substitute teacher: … It’s my drinking problem.

Glen A. Wilson High School
Hacienda Heights, California

Posted on June 10, 2019
California, Drinking & drunks, Questions, Teachers

Oh, Leave Martin Short Alone.

Woman, exiting coffee shop: He's like ten years old, but he's aged really well…

Berkeley, California

Overheard by: Minivet

Posted on June 7, 2019
Age and ageing, Beauty, California, Weirdness, Women

To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote

Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose–you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.

San Diego State University
San Diego, California

Posted on June 6, 2019
Body parts, California, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Education, Family ties, Health & Hygiene, Science, Sensory experiences, Teachers

You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina

Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club–gettin' drunk? (laughs)

Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Mistopher

Posted on May 15, 2019
California, Clothes, Clothing, Compare and contrast, Drinking & drunks, Hoochies

They Grow Up So Fast

3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.

Gilroy, California

Overheard by: just a cart pusher

Posted on May 10, 2019
California, Kids, Moms, Money, Parenting, Should have used a condom, Weirdness, Wishes