Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you…because I am Osama Bin Laden.
Starbucks
New York City, New York
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you…because I am Osama Bin Laden.
Starbucks
New York City, New York
Teenager #1: There's no way for Santa to visit all the houses on earth; that's impossible.
Teenager #2: He doesn't have to visit every house, though. Not everybody celebrates Christmas.
Teenager #1: So? That would be like god saying “Muslims can go fuck themselves, I only watch out for Christians.”
Teenager #3: Some people actually do believe that.
Teenager #2: Yeah, I mean, if they don't celebrate Christmas, then…
Teenager #1: You know, at the speed Santa would need to travel to deliver gifts to all those people, his sleigh would literally catch on fire.
Teenager #2: Dude, see, it works like this…
Teenager #1: No, here's how it works: there's no fucking Santa.
Chino, California
Kid on bus: Ew! What's that smell?
Teacher: That's New Jersey.
School Bus
New Jersey
Overheard by: this guy
Male student: Brokeback Mountain was a good movie. Did you see it?
Female student: No. I heard it was sad. I don't really want to be sad.
Male student: It was pretty sad…but you know, like *good* sad. Like, Titanic sad.
Female student: Yeah?
Male student: Yeah. It basically was Titanic, except instead of a boat, it was a horse.
Female student: Huh. Maybe I *will* see it.
Southern California
Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay… an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.
Dalhousie University
Canadia
Friend #1, totally serious: Wait, who's Ron Paul?
Friend #2, joking: He's an African warlord.
Friend #1, still totally serious: He can't be! Africans don't have real names!
Grinnell College
Grinnell, Iowa
Overheard by: Goron
Daughter, about cousin: Does he want to give me a ride?
Dad: No, he wants you to ride him.
North Canton, Ohio
Undergrad student: Where are the nursing faculty?
University secretary: Pumping.
College
Missouri
Overheard by: rami
College student: Where do babies come from?
Professor: Well, one of mine came from a test tube, one came from China, and two of them came from a crazy woman. Any more questions?
UMW
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Professor: We must go out and procreate!
Swedish History Class
Uppsala University
Sweden
Overheard by: Amused Exchange Student
