Talkative maintenance dude: You ever hear that saying, “putting a square peg in a round hole”?
Less talkative maintenance dude: (nods)
Talkative maintenance dude: Well, this morning I shit a square peg out a round hole.
Less talkative maintenance dude: (winces)
Tampa General Hospital
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Why did you eat a…oh never mind.
Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?
Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Deathly Confused
Girl #1: Ask me what flavor my scarf is.
Girl #2: What flavor is your scarf?
Girl #1: Beef noodle!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Preppy girl: I woke up this morning and my legs were so sore! And then I couldn't remember why they were hurting! I was so worried, especially since I went out last night and Wednesday nights are usually when I stay in. And I couldn't remember anything that happened. But then I thought, “Oh, wait, I went to the gym yesterday. That must be it.”
Lawrence Hall, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Drunken fat woman, outside pub, shouting at drunken man on crutches: What was you thinkin' you cunt!? There's shit all over the seat!
Drunken man on crutches: Shuddup!
Drunken fat woman: You sprayed piss everywhere! No wonder they threw us out! You useless cunt! What the fuck was you thinkin' takin' a shit on the toilet seat?
Drunken man on crutches: It's not my fault you fucking cunt!
Drunken fat woman: You're the one what shat on the seat, you dirty cunt, and pissed all up the walls! Now we're barred! Where the fuck are we going to drink now?!
(drunken argument is audible for the next few streets).
Leamington Spa, England
Overheard by: Bleep
Guy #1 in pub: So what about Ellen*, then?
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Well she has pretty big tits… Were they as good uncovered as they look covered?
Guy #2: Oh… Well, they were a bit saggy, but still pretty spectacular.
Guy #1: Ha.
Guy #2: Mate, I don't care. I jizzed all over them… And on her face too.
Guy #1: (laughs)
Guy #2: She had her mouth open, too.
Guy #1: Dirty girl…
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Teen to friend: Dude, I could shove my whole fist down my throat and not feel a thing!
High School Hallway
Freeburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Savannah
Blonde girl entering the cafeteria: These lines are so long! Thank god I decided to be anorexic!
Mary Washington University
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: waiting in line
Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
