Drinking & drunks

Dude #1: Dude, are you still drunk?
Dude #2: Maybe a little, how could you tell?
Dude #1: You smell like beer, weed, and hooker spit!

Lecture Hall
University of Tennessee

Overheard by: bluecollarbelle

Guy on cell: I don't think we'll be in a bar, considering what we'll be wearing and that we'll be covered in feathers.

Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Girl #1: So, how did she find out?
Girl #2: I was right in the middle of vomiting and my mom opened the door and said, ‘You’ve been binge drinking and having unprotected sex?!’
Girl #1: … So, how did she find out?

College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Addison

Worldly hipster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, didn't like the taste.
Worldly hipster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
Worldly hipster: Good, then you'll like beer.

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: The RJP

Security guard to woman who just drove over the curb: Are you drunk?
Woman driver: No, she (points to passenger) was distracting me with my vibrator!

Hospital Parking Lot
Denver, Colorado

British male, contemplating the last two teabags left in the chalet: We'd best save one in case of an emergency.

Orelle
France

Father with two small sons dressed in Halloween costumes, walking into liquor store: Okay, guys, now pick out the kind of whiskey you want and go put it up on the counter.

Oshkosh, Wisconsin

Girls, singing: My milkshake bringeth the lads in the square, prithee, 'tis better than yours, 'tis better than yours, I could teach thee, but I'd levy a fee.

4 Bus
Victoria
Canadia

Overheard by: Fair maiden Juliet

Chubby goth girl (gasping): Oh, shit! (spills her coffee)
Skinny punk chick: Did you burn yourself?
Chubby goth girl: No, but I bet my snatch smells like chocolate now.
Skinny punk chick: That's sexy.

Starbucks
Lakeport, California

Blonde 20-something #1: I feel awful.
Blonde 20-something #2: Yeah, I'm drinking a beer and then going to church.

Bagel Shop
Atlanta, Georgia