Family ties

Girl, flabbergasted: Everyone's birthday is in March?
Boyfriend: Yeah. My grandma's birthday is in June. It's the only time she really has sex. It's her birthday present.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Confused elderly female patient, trying to punch staff: If you kill me, my family will hunt you down and take all your money!
Nurse's aide, trying to clean up patient: Yeah, we hear that a lot.

Hospital
Burlingame, California

Suave dude on cell: Shut up, grandma! Your fridge isn't that heavy!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/369466341/lets-drop-it-on-you-to-be-sure.html

Overheard by: at least I'm nice to my grandma

Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin… You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like… licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.

London
Ontario
Canadia

Man #1: I hate football.
Man #2: Me too.
Man #1: If my son ever wants to play football, I'll disown him.
Man #2: Me too.
(long pause)
Man #2: My dad loves football.
Man #1: Mine too.

Gold's Gym
Orem, Utah

Overheard by: Weskimo

Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.

Leeds
England

Restaurant waitress, ranting: If my family weren't here I would take my shoe off and stab you in the eye with it.

Saugus, Massachusetts

Chipper guy: Everyone in my family, except for my little brother I think, is suicidal. They're all just like “blah blah blah… kill myself.”

Florida Atlantic University

Overheard by: Kiwi

College student to roommate: My family heirloom is a neon beer light. And a coffee mug.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Larissa

Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.

Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight