Professor: Now, I want you to listen to what McCormack does with this last phrase. And then I want you to go slit your wrists. Because I know I do every time I hear this.
Peabody Conservatory
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Emo has nothing on opera
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles… Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go “sproinnnnng!”
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended…
Random girl on date: Sometimes I wonder what life was like before playing cards?
Stuttgart
Germany
Woman: Definitely. I had both feet in the door, but now it's just one foot in the door.
Man: I hate doors.
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
Geek: A pity hug is still a hug, and a pity girlfriend still has boobs!
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Rebecca
Cute girl #1: Hey, I want you to meet one of my best guy friends.
Cute girl #2 to male friend: Hey, nice to meet ya.
Male friend holding lighter, totally ignoring others: I can make fire! (shouting) I'm a goddamn wizard!
Johnson City, Tennessee
Overheard by: kiwi
Physics professor: What do you do to amuse yourselves? You don't play with yourselves?
Guelph
Canadia
Woman, dropping friend off at airport, then heading to doctor's office: Enjoy your two weeks in France.
Friend: Thanks, enjoy your colonoscopy.
Airport
Ithaca, New York
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina…
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
