Creepster: Given the choice, I’d rather eat a convict than a dolphin.
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Creepster: Given the choice, I’d rather eat a convict than a dolphin.
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Girl to male cat: You're so cute! You smell like bacon… but that's okay.
Lewisville, Texas
Stoner #1: … And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn’t eat nine bowls of pudding.
Kansas State University, Manhattan
Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning…
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I'll have the Cobb salad with no croutons, no bacon, no egg, no cheese, and no avocado, with the chicken on a separate plate.
Sheepish waitress: That just leaves lettuce, tomato, and olives. You sure that's all you want, ma'am?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I'm sure.
Sheepish waitress: It'd be cheaper to get a side salad and just add chicken.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No, I want a Cobb salad.
Sheepish waitress: It would be the same thing without all the toppings.
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: I. Want. A. Cobb. Salad!
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma'am. What kind of dressing would you like?
Entitled middle-aged anorexic: No dressing, please.
Sheepish waitress: Yes, ma'am.
TGI Friday's
Virginia
Handsome guy: He's always speaking in code, like “my son's so flaming he could toast a marshmallow,” or “my son's so flaming he has toasted a marshmallow,” which I don't really get, because everyone toasts marshmallows.
MetroNorth Train
Connecticut
Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.
Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kate
Black girl #1: Okay, I know what I’m getting. Do you know what you’re getting?
White girl: I’ve never been here before. Let me look for a while. [Pauses, then yells.] Wait a minute! Popeye’s a sailor; Why does he sell chicken?
Black girl #2: Oh my god, shut up now or no more vodka for you for the rest of the night!
White girl: Okay. [Giggles.] I’m sorry.
[Black girls start talking to each other.]White girl, yelling: Why are there no white people in here?!
Black girl #1: Aww fuck, take her outside to the car. This is her first and last time ever coming here!
Popeye’s
Trenton, New Jersey
New girl: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor, annoyed: When it looks like French toast.
University of California-San Diego dining hall
California
Overheard by: blaird
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
