Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.
Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan
Overheard by: Scott
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: … Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.
Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wallflower
Young girl: So what do you think I should do?
Girlfriend: I spent most of last night eating cheese out of a tube. I really don't think I'm the best person to ask for advice about your love life.
London
England
Overheard by: LondonCoffee
Wannabe scene chick on phone: I drew another picture for you. There's a banana involved again. (pause) You and your bananas!
Chesapeake, Virginia
20-something to gay friend: I got stuffed more than a Turducken last night!
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Woman eating Chinese food to man sitting across: Why don't you try some? It's good.
Man in creepy English accent: No, I get equal or more pleasure watching you eat.
Vancouver
Canadia
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it’s also high in calories.
Guy: Yes… It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman’s body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: … It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Drunk guy to two girls: No, really! My ultimate fantasy is to have sex with a ridiculously hot girl while you two are on the futon eating cheetos!
Aburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!
University of New Orleans
Louisiana
