For Example, They Blush When You Cook 'em

Sweaty guy: Lobsters are self-aware, man.
(friend #1 and friend #2 nod in agreement)
Sweaty guy: Yeah, I used to work in this restaurant, and we'd make this lobster soup every day. I'd put one lobster on the counter and one in the boiling water. Dude, as soon as the first lobster hit the water, his buddy would start freaking out. He would put his claws up, like he was pleading for his life.
Friend #1: Yeah, they're smart. My friend's family had a pet lobster. He'd eat with them and everything.
Friend #2: Like on The Simpsons!
Sweaty guy, to himself: Lobsters are self-aware. Crabs, they don't give a shit, but lobsters? They're self-aware.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Karl

Posted on August 4, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Food, Friends, Guys, Oregon, Stupidity, TV shows

Meet Kourtney Kibble-Britches

Hot girl: Either my dog is eating my underwear, or my vagina is so acidic it’s burning holes in them… Neither of which I would be pleased about.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals, Default, Food, Girls, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina, Vagina

Oh Yeah, You’d Like Me to Pour You on My Meat

Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Josh

Posted on August 2, 2015
California, Default, Etiquette, Fears, Food, Friends, Guys, Sexuality, Weirdness

And Confusing

10-year-old boy #1: You're a douche.
10-year-old boy #2: Oh, yeah? Well, you're a pickle and a radish in a jar full of lemonade.
10-year-old boy #1: That's mean.

Mississauga
Canadia

Posted on August 2, 2015
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Food, Insults, Kids

Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton

Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.

IHOP
Dallas, Texas

Posted on August 1, 2015
Ass, Diet & weight, Fashion, Food, Friends, Money, Relationships, Shopping, Skinny people, Sorority types, Texas

Your Last Lecture Will Be Difficult to Top, Professor

Guy to others: There had better be another exploding chicken!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on July 31, 2015
Food, Guys, Illinois, Weirdness, Wishes

Yeah, But That's What We Thought About Sweden and Meatballs

10-year-old boy to another, watching air show performers from Canadia: Come on, any country that has its own bacon must be good.

Janesville, Wisconsin

Posted on July 31, 2015
Compare and contrast, Food, Kids, Wisconsin

I Wouldn’t Order That Here, Honey

Six-year-old girl: Ask me what my favorite thing in the world is!
Mom: Okay, what’s your favorite thing in the world?
Six-year-old girl: Escargot!

Sherwood Diner
Westport, Connecticut

Posted on July 29, 2015
Connecticut, Food, Kids, Moms

Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?

Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!

West Edmonton Mall
Canadia

Overheard by: Dr. Ruth

Posted on July 27, 2015
Canadia, Dads, Default, Family ties, Food, Guys, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests

It's Like the Miracle Of Hanukah!

Ultra-skinny hipster chick: I've been eating the same quiche for weeks.

Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Koch

Posted on July 26, 2015
Chicks, Diet & weight, Food, Hipsters, Maine, Skinny people

Food