Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Guy going up escalator to friend: Did you see that? That guy just tried to touch my butt.
Friend: Don't complain, he succeeded in touching mine!
Washington, DC
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina…
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!
West Edmonton Mall
Canadia
Overheard by: Dr. Ruth
Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well… Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.
Covington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jesus Freak
Man #1: How’s your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: “How should I know?”? She’s your wife! Don’t you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.
Huxley, Iowa
Overheard by: Hondo
Little boy: You used to have a pocket knife, mommy!
Mother, laughing nervously: No, I didn’t!
Little boy: Yes you did! You used to!
Nervous mother: No, I never did! I never had a pocket knife! Please don’t tell the police that!
YMCA
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Muffin
Guy: You’re allowed to wipe boogers on my girlfriend and fart in her face, but I can’t hit your girlfriend?! That is so hypocritical!
Driver’s Ed class
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Chrissy
Brother: Where's the baby?
Sister: Over there. (gestures to crazy 4-5 year old child in jungle gym)
Brother: I'm sorry, but every time my nephew goes insane I want to clothesline him.
Sister: I don't think you're quite ready for fatherhood yet.
Playground
Poway, California
Overheard by: Jail, Anyone?
Man with strange beard to friend: My girlfriend would love me forever if I got her a fox's skull.
London
England
