Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Girl to guy wearing alien-hand gloves: What the hell are those?
Guy: They're my testicles… No! My… My… Test–test… The things that octopuses have!
Girl: Tentacles?
Guy: Yes! Tentacles…
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Loud man: …and he wakes me up at night licking my eyelids!
Siam Orchid
Manchester, New Hampshire
High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Guy #1, after British tourists leave elevator: Stupid British bitches.
Guy #2: Wow, you hate Brits?
Guy #1: You know it.
Guy #2: But Maggie is British, and you like her.
Guy #1: Yeah, well, that’s because Maggie is a tranny.
Hotel Whitcomb
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Adam
Weird Asian guy: You’ve never heard about the clitoral frequency?! It’s a certain frequency that only men can hit, and if they hit it then all the women in the area will simultaneously orgasm.
Weird white guy: I’ve heard about the clitoral frequency! If you get an all-male choir to all sing as low as they can go, then they hit it.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: deb
Skinny ginger guy: Oh, don't over-egg the omelet!
Gorgeous girl: Uh… Omelets are mainly made of egg…?
Skinny ginger guy: Just because you wear glasses and go to university you think you're so smart. Well you're not. Because you're a girl! Nerrrrrrrrr!
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Concerned_citizen
Guy #1, shocked and angry: Dude, she's autistic!
Guy #2: Yeah! But she's a full functioning autistic, so fuck you for judging.
Ikea
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Ferdinand
