Girl: So, my roommate’s mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we’re like 24, and I’ve had my own credit card since forever… But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, ‘Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they’ll be frozen.’ So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Hobo to another: If that bitch is late, you gotta pull the dick out.
Wacker Drive and Lake Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: pulled out
High school punk #1: “Fluids” sounds better.
High school punk #2: I don't like fluids.
High school punk #1: And that's why you're flunking band!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: SaraG(as in gee, I wonder what THAT means…)
Kid pointing squirt gun at lady passerby: Just pretend they’re bullets.
Geneva, Illinois
[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore’s ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.
Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joan
Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.
District Bar
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Big D
Broseph to broski: Shaving your ass is a sign of homosexuality, shaving your testicles is a sign of being a porn star.
Chicago, Illinois
Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Wizzbiff
