Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker… I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard “heroin.”
Tukwila, Washington
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
Drunk tailgater dude: Remember when you paid for that girl I fell in love with?
The Rose Bowl
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: Chad
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess…
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Girl to friend: I was like “whatever, bitch! You're not even a real registered nurse. Like you'll be working full time in a doctor's office making $20 an hour, and I'll be a real nurse making $20,000 a year.”
Texas State University
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
Cashier: Our credit card machine is down right now. Will that be cash or credit?
Customer: Gee, I guess cash… then.
Fast Food Restaurant
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Kate
