Guy #1: Yo, she can't be saying that “you small shit” to you, man. Was it limp or fully flexed?
Guy #2: No, it was ready to go.
Guy #1: Damn, she trippin.
Tysons Corner, Vriginia
Middle schooler to friend: So, have you ever had anal sex with your mom?
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Holly
Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!
Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Little girl to mother: Mommy, where's Aladdin?
Mother: He'll come soon, sweetie.
(repeats this for ten minutes)
Little girl, seeing Aladdin on the stage: Who is that?
Mother: Aladdin.
Little girl: Where's Jasmine?
Adventure Theater
Anaheim, California
Tween #1 waiting at bus stop: So, I wanna like him, but I don't want to, and I can't like him, 'cause I wanna like him, but I don't!…you know?
Tween #2: Wow, I know exactly what you mean!
London
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Great 'cause I sure don't
Sorority girl #1: Are you gonna go?
Sorority girl #2: Like, I don't know. Like, I think I'm gonna go.
Sorority girl #3: Like, I think I'm gonna go, but like I don't know yet.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, like after I came back from Vegas, I gained some weight, so like I took Adderall for like two days!
UT
Austin, Texas
Blonde: Oh my god! Are you wearing makeup?
Black man in drag: Yes I am, sugar.
Blonde: Where did you get it?
Black man in drag: Um, the store.
Blonde: Do they make makeup for black people?
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Natalie
Teenage girl #1: I mean, what's the point of dating an ugly, short, junior with herpes and acne if he doesn't even have his learner's permit?
Teenage girl #2: Shut up and eat.
Shari's Restaurant
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Claire
Football player #1: What are you getting?
Football player #2: I think I'm gonna get four hot dogs.
Football player #1: Dude! You're only supposed to eat three a week! It's like…the sodium or something. Three hot dogs have all the sodium you're supposed to have in a week.
Football player #2: You're fucking retarded! I'm getting four hot dogs and I'm gonna eat all four of them in their sodium goodness. Watch me.
Dining Hall, Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Colleen
English poetry professor: Would you be offended if I hanged myself right now?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: awesomepossum
