I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?

Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on July 23, 2015
Colorado, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drugs, Guys, Money, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Smoking, Students, Teachers, Threats

Wait, It’s Fall? How Long Was I Playing That Wii?

Boyfriend, looking around suspiciously: … It smells funny…
Girlfriend: It’s the outside!

Webster City, Iowa

Overheard by: Phoebe

Posted on July 16, 2015
Compare and contrast, Couples, Default, Girls, Guys, Iowa, Sensory experiences, Threats

You’ll Have Plenty of Time for That When You’re in Your 20’s and Getting Out of Limos

Mother to daughter hopping up and down on escalator: Now Beth*, if you keep doing that your pants are going to get caught in the conveyor belt and they’ll be ripped off and all of South Station is going to see your little mermaid underwear. [Girl immediately stops.]

South Station
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Meg

Posted on July 14, 2015
Clothes, Default, Fears, Girls, Kids, Massachusetts, Moms, Public transportation, Threats

That, and When Oprah Appeared to Me in a Popsicle

Cracked-out homeless he-she to girl running from station: Keep on running, mothafuckah! I’ll getcha! [Crazy laughter.]Hipster girl, after he-she walks away: That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

30th Street station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: 3 Hipsters

Posted on July 6, 2015
Hipsters, Homeless, Pennsylvania, Threats

I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye

Little girl: You don’t like me!
Mother: If I didn’t like you, I’d throw you in the dumpster.

North Branford, Connecticut

Posted on July 5, 2015
Compare and contrast, Connecticut, Default, Feelings, Girls, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Threats, Weirdness

Lesbian Girl Scouts Are Always Prepared

Woman, trying to hush crying baby: Shhhhh… It's okay.
College girl: Ma'am, I am prepared to set fire to your child.

Parkersburg, West Virginia

Posted on June 20, 2015
Feelings, Girls, Parenting, Threats, West Virginia, Women

Ashley Olsen Dating Lance Armstrong Was the Final Nail in the Coffin

Preppy girl #1: So the Apocalypse is totally going to happen… It's scary.
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I know, right?

High School Hall
Ontario
Canadia

Posted on June 20, 2015
Canadia, Default, Fears, Girls, Preppies, Religion, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Threats

You'll Understand When You Have to Watch Your Mother Being Raped by a Rotini Noodle.

Girl #1: So pasta, like, traumatized you?
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate pasta! Pasta ruined my life!

Frary Dining Hall, Pomona College
Claremont, California

Posted on June 16, 2015
California, Fears, Food, Happiness, Students, Threats

They Know the Drill

Teen girl, standing up: Get up! I gotta go to the bathroom.
Snotty friend: Fuck you! Carol told you to go before the movie started.
Teen girl: I’m gonna shit my pants at the count of three and then sit right down!
Other teen girls in row, standing in unison: Go! Go! Go! Go!

Movie theater
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on June 14, 2015
Default, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Pennsylvania, Poop, Teens, Threats

How Was Your Mother's Day, Philadelphia?

Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on June 2, 2015
Guys, Pee, Pennsylvania, Threats, Weirdness

Threats