Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.

Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.

Alton, Illinois

Overheard by: M

Posted on January 14, 2016
Education, Illinois, STDs, Teachers, Threats

That's New Yorkese for “Pretty Please”

Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.

Rest Stop
New York Thruway

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on December 17, 2015
Dads, Death & dying, Default, Food, Girls, Kids, New York, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Weirdness

…For Not Driving a Hybrid.

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Posted on December 16, 2015
California, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parenting, Should have used a condom, Threats

It’s Not Gay If I’m the Boomer

(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he’s a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That’s gay.
Boom: It won’t be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.

Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Posted on November 21, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Games, Guys, Michigan, Queers, Sexuality, Threats

Does That Ever Work on Black People?

Leathery hobo to passing students: One of you white-ass, livin’-inside motherfuckers owes me a dollar!

Austin, Texas

Posted on October 22, 2015
Default, Gripes, Hobos, Money, Race, Texas, Threats

Last Time I Messed Up the Order and Ruined the Whole Thing.

Wannabe thug, carrying Celtics flag: First I'm gonna get blood on it, and then ash!

Portsmouth, New Hampshire

Posted on August 26, 2015
New Hampshire, Threats, Thugs, Violence

Does It Make a Sound?

Security guard: What do you do with a mailbox? You throw it in the middle of the woods!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Elaine

Posted on August 26, 2015
Default, Employees, Questions, Threats, Washington, DC, Weirdness

…When She Told Me the Soup Of the Day Was Split Pea

Possible transvestite: And I said, “Either you take a lie detector test at the American consulate or I'm packing my things and going!”

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on August 7, 2015
Default, Illinois, Lies, Offers and requests, Queers, Threats

Suck His Toes and You’ll Be High for Days

Large black woman on cell: Girl! I’m tellin’ you, I don’t know where I gots them warts on my feets. But they nasty! I don’t want to give them to nobody else, so I brought me some lil’ socks, you know… Them cushy foots? Not like Earl, who goes barefoot all over the city with them mushroom funguses on his toes. His toenails be like baby powder! They all crumbly and shit.

Detroit Metro Airport
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: Trying not to barf (and glad I wore socks)

Posted on July 31, 2015
Airports & flights, Black people, Body parts, Clothes, Compare and contrast, Etiquette, Health & Hygiene, Hoochies, Maladies, Michigan, On the phone, Threats, Women

Dooming You to Come on Time for All Eternity

Professor: When you’re late, Eric* will take down your name. The first time he’ll just tack a threatening note on your door. What did we decide you would do for the second tardy?
Eric: Slash their tires.
Professor: Right. And the third time we’ll make pornographic images of you on Photoshop and put them on the Internet.

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on July 29, 2015
Connecticut, Default, Internet, Porn, Students, Teachers, Threats, Time Management, Violence

Threats