Violence

You Have a Friend Named “Halfbreed”?

Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over.
Smoker girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise.
Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.

Providence, Rhode Island

A Concise Recap of The Bootyguard

20-something #1: She's got fuckin' guns pointed at her vagina.
20-something #2: What?
20-something #1: No, dude. Seriously.

Palms, California

Don't Even Get Me Started About Boo Beret Cereal

Old man to another, looking at soup: I just feel like I'm getting ripped off by the French!

Grocery Store
Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

How Many Tons Of Vomit Does Disney World Produce a Year? Show Your Work.

20-something guy in the middle of a group: Guys, guys. I've got big news.
(group quiets down)
20-something guy: I just got a text from Ross. It says “Let's put it this way: they've stopped the ride, are cleaning up my vomit, and I'm leaving in a wheelchair. Spaceship Earth.”
(group cheers)

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Is That the Best Way to Take the Moral High Ground?

Woman #1: So, you think he is?
Woman #2: No, you don't really think he is?
Woman #3: Hell, yes! I know he is. He is cheating on his wife and me. I'm gonna cut off his dick and then quit! That'll teach him.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/08/hide-your-pet-rabbits-gentlemen.html

Overheard by: Jon

If He Dies, They’ll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines

Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”

Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California

More Likely He’d Giggle and Start Talking about Threesomes

Girl #1: So, does your boyfriend know you’re bi?
Girl #2: What? No way! If he found out, he would fry me!
Girl #1: Fry you?
Girl #2: Yes! He would fry me! With a Jesus stick!

Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl

If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.

Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/355805033/shell-be-perfect-for-a-band.html

Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store

Finishing a Woman's Sentences Is Risky Business, Gentlemen

Woman wearing puffy coat: Wearing a puffy coat makes me feel like …
Man also wearing a puffy coat: It makes me feel like dancing.
Woman: …punching people.

Quebec City
Canadia

So Many Questions, So Little Time.

Boy #1: I shot my friend in the foot once.
Boy #2: What! How?
Boy #1: Well, we were really high in the woods, and my friend was wearing bunny slippers. He stuck his foot out of a bush and I thought it was a real rabbit… so I shot it!
Boy #2: What the fuck?!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McKenzie

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