Violence

Remember, These Are the Guys Who Treat Our Nipples Like Radio Dials

Girl #1: I wonder if there are exercises to strengthen that.
Girl #2: I know. I tried to look into it once because I can't go down that far without gagging. Is that weird? I want skill tips.
Girl #1: I just use my hand a lot so I don't have to skit it down far.
Girl #2: Okay, so I think it's because I started out with not a lot of girth, but now guys are like, “you can squeeze harder.” And I'm like, “uuum…are you sure?” I feel like I”m going to break your fucking dick off.
Girl #1: Yeah. It makes it go faster. Dicks are resilient. Get violent.

Madison Children's Museum
Madison, Wisconsin

Bear: Just Give Me an Excuse, You Ice-Cap-Melting-Rock-Throwing Motherfucker!

(at the polar bear exhibit)
Father to son holding a rock: Don't throw that rock! If you throw that, it's going to hit the bear, and then he's going to come over here and eat you. Do you want him to come over here and eat you?!

Zoo
Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: Sarah.

Posing Clown Hypotheticals, Eh? Just Like an Irishman

Guy: What would you do if a clown jumped through the window and tried to abduct you by putting a sleeping bag over your head?
Girl: I'd whup his ass.
Guy: You'd whup his ass, would you? Just like an American.

England

Overheard by: E.

Then Why Have I Seen Paintings of It?

Psychology professor, on the topic of conditioning: Well, you can't spank a dolphin!

UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: really?

Except Target Shooters in Vegas

Woman: Well, I still think I should be allowed to join the army if I want to.
Man: Oh yeah, you totally should. I'm just saying, I don't think women should go to *war*. I mean, no one wants to see, like, boobs getting shot at.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Megan

Not the Worst Thing He Could Mean by “The Whacker”

Sunday school teacher (showing picture of Good Shepherd): Who can tell me who this is?
Kid: That's Jesus with the whacker!
Teacher (puzzled): You mean he takes the sheep out for a walk?
Kid (pointing to the shepherd's crook): No, when one of the sheep tries to get away from Jesus, he whacks them with it so they won't go!

http://overheardintheward.blogspot.com/

Just Like I Was Cleaning My Hand When I Slapped You Just Now

Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it…

Tube, London
England

Overheard by: Wendy Stephens

Top Chef: Philadelphia Had a Whole Different Type Of Contestant

Ghetto girl: No! I'm just going to walk right up to him and be like, “your knives are in my car!”

La Salle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Saying It in a Movie Doesn't Make It True, Keanu

30-something guy on cell: …and they don't even care about all my Kung fu skills!

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-like-proficiency-in-excel-and.html

Overheard by: Ian

Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?

Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.

Rutland, Vermont

Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom

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