Father to four-year-old: Stop spanking the eggplant!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kay
Father to four-year-old: Stop spanking the eggplant!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kay
Girl #1: I love how every time I make a scenario where I'm around Stephen I scream in his face and force him to be sexual with me. Except for that time I rubbed against him in a non-sexual way to cure any illnesses I have.
Girl #2: There was that time you stabbed him in the thigh too.
Girl #1: Really? Why did I do that?
Girl #2: You just wanted to know his dog's name and if he likes pita bread.
Girl #1: Ohhh…yeah.
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl #1: Sometimes I judge you silently in my head.
Girl #2: Yeah, everyone does that. I think people should start saying what they're really thinking. We should all have running monologues about what's going through our heads.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. Like, this one time, me and my friend….
Girl #1: I think you're a bitch.
Starbucks
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Robert
Girl #1: I wonder if there are exercises to strengthen that.
Girl #2: I know. I tried to look into it once because I can't go down that far without gagging. Is that weird? I want skill tips.
Girl #1: I just use my hand a lot so I don't have to skit it down far.
Girl #2: Okay, so I think it's because I started out with not a lot of girth, but now guys are like, “you can squeeze harder.” And I'm like, “uuum…are you sure?” I feel like I”m going to break your fucking dick off.
Girl #1: Yeah. It makes it go faster. Dicks are resilient. Get violent.
Madison Children's Museum
Madison, Wisconsin
(at the polar bear exhibit)
Father to son holding a rock: Don't throw that rock! If you throw that, it's going to hit the bear, and then he's going to come over here and eat you. Do you want him to come over here and eat you?!
Zoo
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Sarah.
Guy: What would you do if a clown jumped through the window and tried to abduct you by putting a sleeping bag over your head?
Girl: I'd whup his ass.
Guy: You'd whup his ass, would you? Just like an American.
England
Overheard by: E.
Psychology professor, on the topic of conditioning: Well, you can't spank a dolphin!
UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: really?
Woman: Well, I still think I should be allowed to join the army if I want to.
Man: Oh yeah, you totally should. I'm just saying, I don't think women should go to *war*. I mean, no one wants to see, like, boobs getting shot at.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Megan
Sunday school teacher (showing picture of Good Shepherd): Who can tell me who this is?
Kid: That's Jesus with the whacker!
Teacher (puzzled): You mean he takes the sheep out for a walk?
Kid (pointing to the shepherd's crook): No, when one of the sheep tries to get away from Jesus, he whacks them with it so they won't go!
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