Using Implements No Man Can Match

Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That’s because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.

Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC

Posted on April 25, 2019
Chicks, Masturbation, Washington, DC

Why “Family Vacation” Will Always Be an Oxymoron

Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)

National Mall
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Meaggoo

Posted on April 6, 2019
Death & dying, Default, Fears, Kids, Malls, Murder, Siblings, Teens, Washington, DC, Weirdness

We Better Have to Swim Through Her Blood When We Disembark

Metro announcement: The Red Line is experiencing delays due to a sick customer at Farragut North… Trains will share tracks at Gallery Place and Metro Center.
Man on metro: How sick was this customer?
Woman on metro: She better be dead, I'll tell you that.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: jposkin

Posted on February 13, 2019
Death & dying, Default, Guys, Maladies, Public transportation, Strangers, Washington, DC, Women

Says All My Bad Decisions Cost Her Money

Drunk girl, burying head into boyfriend's arm: I'm upset with my mother. She expects me to take care of me.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Fallon

Posted on January 26, 2019
Drunks, Family ties, Feelings, Washington, DC

If You’ll Refer to This Pie Chart…

Frat boy: All of my plans involve either money or pussy.

Starbucks, E Street
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/02/dont-you-mean-money-for-pussy.html

Posted on December 14, 2018
Eavesdrop DC, Frat boy types, Vagina, Washington, DC

That, or a Phone.

Teacher: Who knows what the word “cell” means?
4th-grader: Oh, I do, I do! It's a tiny thing like a jelly doughnut! Except instead of jelly, there's blood!

Elementary School
Washington, DC

Posted on December 8, 2018
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Science, Students, Teachers, Washington, DC, Words

Father Martin, Why Is This Pew Wet and Sticky?

Girl: I should probably go to church tomorrow. It would make my mom happy… And the priest is really fucking hot.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/

Overheard by:

Posted on December 6, 2018
Compliments, Default, Eavesdrop DC, Family ties, Girls, Religion, Washington, DC

All I Have to Do Is Stand in a Phone Booth and Take Off My Glasses

Suit #1: You gotta stop traveling and eating out like this. You’re starting to pack it on.
Suit #2, slapping his stomach: Nah, after seven p.m. all this turns to dick.

Steakhouse
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Poor Bastard

Posted on October 29, 2018
Advice, Bragging, Suits, Washington, DC

When I Think About Seeing You, I Touch My Eyes

Lady standing in bathroom, giving advice: Hey, you can get STDs from public bathrooms! Don't touch your eyes!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: pretty sure that's not how you get STDs

Posted on October 1, 2018
Body parts, Crazies, Health & Hygiene, STDs, Washington, DC

Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a Lot More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs

Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!

Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on September 21, 2018
Biotechs, Condoms, Fat people, Friends, Questions, Restaurants, Vagina, Washington, DC, Weirdness