High school girl on phone: Wait… How do I rape you?
Denver, Colorado
Girl on cell: They had Greenland and Iceland on the test. (pause) Yeah, apparently they're two different things. (pause) I dunno, Greenland is the cold one, or something. (pause) Yeah, I think it was unfair, too.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ginger
Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: facepalm
Blue collar guy on lunch break: Does she use a strap-on or does she have something that pops out like a turtle head?
Northwestern Law School
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: What a Horrible Visual
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Lady on cell: No, no, no! See, the reason I bring this up is because her spaceship is covered in shag carpeting…
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Caleb
Female professor: She was a lesbian…
Male student: Yeah, she was.
Female professor: But he turned her straight with his manliness…
Male student: Yeah, he did.
Appalachian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.
Trailer Park
Central Texas
Overheard by: HaleyJ