Wishes

Goober: I wish the whole world was edible!
Pseudo-metalhead: Dude, then everything would be, like, sticky and gross.
Goober: Well, that's assuming everything would be like candy. It wouldn't have to be sticky and gross.
Professor: I'm gonna jump in here before it gets any weirder.

Bard College
New York

Overheard by: why i put up with philosophy

Girl on bus: I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
Guy on bus: Yeah, I don't have one but I'm pretty good at driving them.
Girl: Oh, I don't want to own one, just ride one.
Guy: Yeah, that's how I feel about dragons.

Auburn, Alabama

Drunk woman #1: I shoulda been in the mafia.
Drunk woman #2: Why?
Drunk woman #1: I hate loose ends.

Bar
Louisiana

Overheard by: soprano

American tourist to friends: I hope this park has shade and air conditioning.

Barcelona
Spain

Overheard by: Kate

Man: I really hope I can suck something out of the horse later.

DMV
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: auroratudor

Agitated smoker on phone: I'm going to jail tomorrow! I just wanted to spend one night with you! What do you mean you can't be bothered?

Newcastle
Australia

Overheard by: Isabel

Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don't mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it's no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah…is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There's two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don't joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't thinking of places to hide your body.

Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York

Overheard by: molly guns

Girlfriend throwing arms around boyfriend: I hope someone who is really lonely is looking at us right now!

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: James

High school boy: From now on, I'm going to do everything as homosexually as possible.

Bellingham, Washington

Guy to friend: So I said to him, “you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!”

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: phuqmonkey