Women

Sweet old lady: Well, when we moved to Gilbert we started up a garden and thought we had volunteer tomato plants.
Sweet middle aged lady: Volunteer?
Sweet old lady: You know, they came up without us planting them. So I started watering them and giving them fertilizer, and they got pretty big. Then one day I was eating dinner and I saw a boy jump over our fence in the back, rip out one of the plants, and take off with it!
Sweet middle aged lady: He stole a tomato plant?
Sweet old lady: Well, there was a sheriff down the street a few days later, so I told him about it. He came over to look at them, and told me they were marijuana plants!
Sweet middle aged lady: They weren't tomatoes?
Sweet old lady: I thought they were, but whoever lived there before us must have planted marijuana in their yard, and when I started watering they sprung up again.
Sweet middle aged lady: That gives me a funny feeling, knowing your house had drug users in it.

Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Mia

Elderly woman: You know… It’s so hard to eat pancakes in the nude!

Winchester, Virginia

Overheard by: SB

Student to college secretary: Have any peppermints?
Receptionist: As in candy?
Student: Yeah. Peppermints.
Receptionist: Um, no?
Student: What kind of a dumb-ass school doesn't have peppermints?!?

University for Women
Mississippi

Overheard by: Megan S.

Female suit #1: She's just sad and lonely.
Female suit #2: That's no excuse for Mormonism.

Santa Barbara, California

Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.

Burke, Virginia

Overheard by: Jimmy C

Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate… legs spread everywhere.

Farmers' Market
Oregon

Overheard by: Shea

Haggard drunk woman to group of drunk men: He says he loves me but won’t even buy me a cupcake!

Boston, Massachusetts

Woman on the street: In the past 24 hours someone a shoved a dead bird in the grill of my truck!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Light-skinned black woman: I’m just saying, I’d have been in the home and not in the fields.

Taco Mac
Atlanta, Georgia

Very serious, very excited young woman: He's finally becoming a person! He got Facebook and he texts full-sized messages!

Owatonna, Minnesota

Overheard by: feels sorry for those without technology…