I Always Thought She Seemed a Bit Fuzzy for a Girl

Girl student: Her family is so weird.
Guy student: How so?
Girl student: Her dad, like, goes in her backyard and catches squirrels.
Guy student, after long pause: Wait, what does he do with them?
Girl student: Raises them?

Starbucks
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Ashlie

Posted on August 5, 2015
Animals, Girls, Minnesota, Questions, Students, Weirdness

For Example, They Blush When You Cook 'em

Sweaty guy: Lobsters are self-aware, man.
(friend #1 and friend #2 nod in agreement)
Sweaty guy: Yeah, I used to work in this restaurant, and we'd make this lobster soup every day. I'd put one lobster on the counter and one in the boiling water. Dude, as soon as the first lobster hit the water, his buddy would start freaking out. He would put his claws up, like he was pleading for his life.
Friend #1: Yeah, they're smart. My friend's family had a pet lobster. He'd eat with them and everything.
Friend #2: Like on The Simpsons!
Sweaty guy, to himself: Lobsters are self-aware. Crabs, they don't give a shit, but lobsters? They're self-aware.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Karl

Posted on August 4, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Food, Friends, Guys, Oregon, Stupidity, TV shows

Meet Kourtney Kibble-Britches

Hot girl: Either my dog is eating my underwear, or my vagina is so acidic it’s burning holes in them… Neither of which I would be pleased about.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals, Default, Food, Girls, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina, Vagina

Bears Are Pretty Much Recession-Proof

Random guy in bandanna to random guy with afro: So, would you rather go ahead and get your Bachelor's…or become a bear?

Student Center
Georgia Tech

Overheard by: Mollie

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Georgia, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality

When the Earth Was Green and Everyone Was Horny

Teenage girl to friend: I wish I lived back when there were unicorns!

Wyoming

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals, Default, Girls, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes, Wyoming

A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her

Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on August 1, 2015
Animals, Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Health & Hygiene, Insults, Kink, Pee, Penis, Questions, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes

As Evidenced by the Last Election

Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.

Smithsonian Station, DC Metro
Washington, DC

Posted on July 31, 2015
Animals, Cops, Default, Family ties, Girls, Kids, Moms, Public transportation, Questions, Tourists, Washington, DC

But I Still Adore Rosie Perez

College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Posted on July 29, 2015
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Guys, Minnesota, Sensory experiences

So They're Swimming Right Up the Ladder of Success

Guy on cell: I know of at least two plant and four fish species that could do my job just as well… Now, the fish just came in with touchscreen technology.

Covington, Kentucky

Overheard by: Jesus Freak

Posted on July 26, 2015
Animals, Default, Guys, Kentucky, On the phone, Technology

What Happens When You Read the Thesaurus at Bedtime

Little girl to dog: Lucy, no! I admonish you!

Perry Square
Erie, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on July 25, 2015
Animals, Kids, Pennsylvania, Weirdness, Words

Animals