Customer: Hi, I'd like to return these pants.
Store manager: Can I ask why?
Customer: The pants talk.
Store manager: (…)
Customer, frantically: I mean, they pop! They pop!
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: I had to return a pair of talking pants once too
Guy: So they would smuggle one of these toy dogs in their shirt pocket.
Girl: Why don't they just put them in their bras? It's like “yeah, I got a boob job while I was in China.”
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: RU serious
Lady on cell: Just because she's wearing big-girl panties doesn't mean she's not your baby.
Target
Midwest City, Okahoma
Bimbette, looking at halloween costumes online with her boyfriend: Oh, look! You can go as Robin Hood and I'll be Mary Magdalene!
RIC College
Providence, Rhode Island
Drunk punk girl #1: Oh my god! Is that a raccoon? I think it's staring at me!
Drunk punk girl #2: That's a fuckin shirt, you retard.
Drunk punk girl #1: Well, if it bites me, I'm punching you in the ovaries!
Drunk punk girl #2, muttering: I need new friends.
Outside Bar
Niagara Falls, New York
70-something nun to another: I don't care about the bra straps. It's my boobs that really stand out in this shirt.
Holyoke, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ldiggitydawg
Australian tourist: God, it's so hot in here. I can't wait to get out of here and take these pants off.
Church security guard, overhearing: Yes… that is very difficult to do in a church.
Vatican City
Overheard by: LeBron
Boy: I feel naked.
(long awkward pause)
Girl: I'm glad you're not.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Molly, LQTM
Teacher: If I say “I put pants on today,” it's very different than if I say “Perhaps I put pants on today.”
High School
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: amused student….
Obese middle-aged tourist to husband: I called him and told him we're at passenger pick-up 2. He called and asked where we'd be, and I said passenger pick-up 2, that's where he can find us. It's just easier to find us when he gets here. Passenger pick-up 2. And it's cold. That's why I brought this vest. I brought this vest in case it got cold, and it got cold. I'm going to button it up. Did you hear me? I'm going to button it up. There, it's buttoned. (husband ignores her)
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: EthanK
