They Proceeded to Link Arms and Skip Off Into the Sunset

Obnoxious panhandler: Spare change if you give a shit! Spare change if you give a shit!
Sassy gay man walking by: I don't.
Obnoxious panhandler: Me neither!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: RP

Posted on June 19, 2016
California, Comebacks, Hobos, Panhandling, Queers

We Take It Ourselves

Meth user: Am I too late to get my methadone?
Young pharmacist: Yes. After five p.m. we dump all the methadone down the drain.
Meth user, very nervous: Are you kidding?!
Young pharmacist, laughing: Yes, I am.

Fort Erie, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on March 10, 2016
Canadia, Comebacks, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Employees, Time Management

…I'd Prefer Not to Be Thought Of As a Person.

Bad egg in sweater-vest: Gandhi was a Marlboro man, not Newport.
Friend in tight polo: You're the worst sort of person.
Bad egg in sweater-vest: That hurts.

New Haven, Connecticut

Posted on October 17, 2015
About celebrities, Assholes, Comebacks, Connecticut, Feelings, Friends, Smoking

How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on September 22, 2015
Age and ageing, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Cops, Crimes, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Friends, Relationships, Sexuality, Sorority types, Weirdness, Wisconsin

And Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal Of the Day

Girl on cell: So he was like, “I was thinking about going to Austin, because Brian's there.” and I was like, “Fuck Brian. I make better waffles.”

Boston, Massachusetts

Posted on September 14, 2015
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Food, Girls, Insults, Massachusetts, On the phone

Ummm, We’re at a Wal-Mart in Tennessee.

Mom: Do you want to take your coat off?
Toddler: Go to hell!

Wal-Mart
Hendersonville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Tanner

Posted on July 26, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Insults, Moms, Questions, Should have used a condom, Stores, Tennessee

Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That

14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?

Perth
Western Australia
Australia