My Standards Are Low, but I Adhere to Them

Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn’t in love with my husband.

Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio

Posted on October 21, 2025
Comebacks, Default, Guys, Infidelity, Lies, Ohio, Stores, Women

I’d Recommend against Frying Bacon, Though

Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.

Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida

Overheard by: Revulsion of People

Posted on October 19, 2025
Chicks, Comebacks, Default, Florida, Guys, On the phone, Questions

Possibly because I Spend Every Night Discussing Pee Stamina with You

Guy #1: It doesn’t matter if you can pee longer than I can, because I can still drink more than you, so I win overall.
Guy #2: No, peeing longer means I can have sex longer than you.
Guy #1: … Dude, you’re a virgin.

Restroom, Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: What the…

Posted on October 16, 2025
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Guys, Massachusetts, Virginity

Weird Is Weird, Gay Is Gay

Guy: No, Derek* is definitely gay.
Girl #1: No, he’s not! He has naked pictures of girls all over his walls and MySpace and everything.
Girl #2: So? You know he only has those because he likes to paint chickens on them!

Seattle, Washington

Posted on September 16, 2025
Comebacks, Friends, Girls, Guys, MySpace, Sexuality, Washington

And All Those Pills for Breakfast

Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana

Posted on September 8, 2025
Comebacks, Food, Girls, Guys, Indiana, Smoking, Students

Dude, It Has the Word “Vajayjay” on the Cover

Twelve-year-old boy to friend: I didn’t know bookstores had porn!
Friend: Dude, that’s Cosmo!

Barnes & Noble
Illinois

Posted on July 21, 2023
Books, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Friends, Guys, Illinois, Pop culture, Porn, Stores, Tweens

So, Regardless, We're Going Green.

Student, as professor walks into classroom: Tomorrow's Earth Day!
Professor: Yesterday was 4/20!

Classroom, College of Marin
Marin County, California

Posted on July 9, 2023
California, Class, Comebacks, Education, Students, Teachers

Now I Only Eat It

Dude #1: So, when the hell did you start smoking cigarettes?
Dude #2: Last week.
Dude #1: Why the hell did you do that?
Dude #2: I wanna stop smoking pot.

University of Miami
Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Stosh

Posted on June 27, 2023
Colleges & Universities, Comebacks, Default, Druggies, Drugs, Florida, Guys, Questions, Smoking, Time Management

Instead, I’ll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger

Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn’t have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How’s your butt feel? Ha! I haven’t even told my friends about that yet!

Richmond, Virginia

Posted on June 23, 2023
Ass, Backdoor, Bragging, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Couples, Default, Employees, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sensory experiences, Sexuality, Virginia

As Demanded by the Quality of Your Recent Essays

Professor: Okay, time to get back to class.
Student: But this conversation is so rewarding.
Professor: Sorry, but some of us have to go out drinking later tonight.

http://www.overheardatumbc.com

Posted on June 15, 2023
Bringing it back to you, Comebacks, Drinking & drunks, Education, Overheard at UMBC, Students, Teachers

Comebacks