Guy #1: I think I fucked up my chance with Jen.
Guy #2: Why? what did you do?
Guy #1: Well she’s religious, and she sent me a text today that says, “I get real emotional on Good Friday.” so I write back, ‘I get real emotional on filet-o-fish Fridays.’ She hasn’t responded since.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Man #1: So she looks up at me with this, look, right? And she grips my dick real hard and then gets this terrified look as she picks it off on my pubes…
Man #2: Oh, dude, I’m gonna vomit.
Man #1: It was a fucking dingleberry. And it wasn’t mine, dude.
Gym
Oregon
College guy: And then, there would be no more vagina!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Laiah and Caitlin
Angry father, to young daughter: Do you wanna go to Chuck E. Cheese?
Daughter: [scared silence]Father: Then stop touching shit!
Wal-Mart
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Molly BOOM
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I’ve been in a couple of accidents before. One time this lady rear-ended me out of nowhere.
Middle-aged woman: Did you sue her?
Middle-aged guy: Of course I did. How do you think we paid for in-vitro?
Newark Airtrain, New Jersey
Girl walking to bus stop drunk: I just wanted to walk in, get groped and leave.
Pheasant Run
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Brandon Call
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
Girl: I think my ribs are double-jointed.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
High school chick #1: Omygod, I totally love him.
High school chick #2: Omygod, me too.
High school chick #1: I mean, he is like easily the hottest guy at our school.
High school chick #2: Oh totally. Like he is soooo cute.
[pause].
High school chick #2: What does he look like again?
High school chick #1: Um, like, I think he wears jeans a lot.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Girl #1: At least he didn’t say what JD said to me the other night. He said I was boring in the bedroom because I didn’t try new things.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
Girl #1: Yeah and I told him, well how am I supposed to know what to do? I was a virgin before you. Well, not literally a virgin, but close enough!
Girl #2: So what are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, I told him that when we go on vacation, we can have a threesome. But it has to be someone I’ll never see again.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Slutgers Girl
