Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Afternoon drunk: Nah, man, it's 32. That's freezing. It don't get lower than that.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: colder that him, apparently
Loud fat man on bus: When I first found out I had diabetes, I had my wife go out and buy me a big case of pudding cups. I opened each one up and poured them into a tub with some milk.
Friend: Oh?
Loud fat man on bus: My mother-in-law didn't believe I could eat it, but I sat down in front of her and drank the whole thing, just to spite her.
Portland, Oregon
Drunk teenage boy: Heyyy, ssssuuuuupp, buddd… (stumbles away)
Sober teenage boy: I guess he's too drunk to notice that we're not friends.
Red Bank, New Jersey
Young mother, in baby-talk: Aren't you excited to meet grandma and grandpa at the park? Do you think they're sad and lonely there waiting for us?
Toddler son: Noooo, they're drinking.
Mother, still in baby-talk: You think they're drinking?
St Charles Streetcar
New Orleans, Louisiana
Coed #1: Jill, hi! I haven't seen you for like, a year!
Coed #2, smoking cigarette and clutching Red Bull: I know! I quit drinking!
WSC Campus
Wayne, Nebraska
Girl #1: So you got drunk in a church?
Girl #2: Yeah, sort of. There's a bar in the basement.
Girl #1: But isn't that, like, sacrilegious? I mean, isn't slosh one of the seven deadly sins?
Girl #2: Uh, I think you mean “sloth.”
Ronnie's Local
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: LB
College girl on cell: You're making a valid argument. It sounds completely sober!
Boston, Massachusetts
College student: I think I hate sleep more than I hate Snapple.
University of Delaware
Smithie: Why do I go to college if my only ambition is to be a constantly drunk trophy wife?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Colleen
