Guy: My sister and I are twins, but I was born first.
Woman #1: Do you mean you just came out first?
Guy: Well, see, what happened was I am two years older than my sister. [Everyone stares at each other.]Woman #2: … So you and your sister are twins, but she is two years younger?
Guy: Oh, wait, I’m getting confused with another family story. I am two years older than my sister, but I’m pretty sure we’re not twins, either.
900 West Valley Road
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/329259996/please-bring-me-with-you.html
Overheard by: Les
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She’s 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn’t answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh… so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Bimbette #1: We need to find men to buy us drinks tonight — I only have, like, 10 bucks.
Bimbette #2: Why don’t you make out with Mom again? That worked last time.
Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Dad: That’s an awfully big brownie. You know it’s so big it’s a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Girl #1 on Facebook: And then I gave my mom a lap dance.
Girl #2, looking at pictures: It looks like she was enjoying it.
UMass
Dartmouth, Massachusetts
Chick: I have found that half-cousin incest is hot, but only on soaps.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
Woman waiting for coffee: You know my sister is a Playboy model?
Friend: (blank stare)
Woman waiting for coffee: Yeah! She sends me the pictures. I mean, she's beautiful, but I don't wanna see that. And my brother, he looks at those!
Friend: (blank stare)
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/455563420/all-in-the-family.html
Overheard by: next in line.
