Food

Guy: Egg salad is a dish best served cold.

http://overheardinumcp.blogspot.com

Overheard by: alyssa

Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, “have some juice with me!” And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, “bitch, what you doing?”

Seattle, Washington

Guy #1: Did you see the video where that girl shoots a banana out of her ass?
Guy #2: Yeah! And then she's like “I think there's still a strawberry up there!”

Clemson University
Clemson, South Carolina

Overheard by: starch

Woman: I wish I hadn't had hooters for breakfast!

Fitting Room
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!

Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia

Stoner: That’s like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.

100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Instructor to student, during class debate: You look like you’re deep in thought there. Anything you want to share with us?
Student: Dude, I was just thinking about hot dogs.

College class
Farmington, Connecticut

Overheard by: Student

Guy #1: I can speak Italian.
Guy #2: How do you say “cheese” in Italian?
Guy #1: Ha! That's easy, “mozzarella”!

Italian Restaurant
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Chloe

Man: I’m giving up bread for lent.
Woman: Is that because Jesus Christ died for your sins, or because you’re concerned with your figure?

Starbucks
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Maggie

Girl #1: Oh, it looks like you are registered for the jelly belly factory tour.
Girl #2: Is there anything else? I don't really care how they grow jelly beans.

Davis, California

Overheard by: PhillyKid