And You Wouldn’t Believe Some of the Shit I Saw in the Womb

30-ish black woman, emphatically to self: Damn! Life ain’t nothin’ like I ever seen before.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on December 11, 2015
Black people, Default, Gripes, Pennsylvania, Philosophy, Women

Americans Are So Cute

Whiny five-year-old: Mama! I'm soooo hungry!
Frustrated mom: Well, I don't care! And do you know why? Nobody ever died from hunger!

Tuscaloosa, Alabama

Posted on December 6, 2015
Alabama, Death & dying, Default, Food, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Questions, Sensory experiences, Stupidity, Weirdness

For the Last Time, That Was a Playground.

Blue-haired guy: Man, those guys over at the methadone clinic are a bunch of snitches!

Seattle, Washington

Posted on November 27, 2015
Gripes, Punks, Washington

Does That Ever Work on Black People?

Leathery hobo to passing students: One of you white-ass, livin’-inside motherfuckers owes me a dollar!

Austin, Texas

Posted on October 22, 2015
Default, Gripes, Hobos, Money, Race, Texas, Threats

But Isn’t It a Little Soon to Start Competing with Her?

Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That’s why babies don’t drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can’t see over the steering wheel.

Wellsboro, Pennsylvania

Posted on October 8, 2015
Gripes, Parents, Pennsylvania, Stupidity

Racist? You Decide!

Daughter: It’s like… I didn’t see any Mexicans around for months, and then today, I’ve seen so many!
Father: Well, it got warm.

Cool Springs Mall
Franklin, Tennessee

Overheard by: Haha, what?

Posted on October 7, 2015
Dads, Default, Geography, Girls, Gripes, Tennessee, Weather

But at Least She Throws It Up

Queer on cell: Stop it. She’s too chicken to be anorexic. It’s like, she’ll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.

Los Angeles, California

Posted on October 5, 2015
California, Default, Food, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Queers

If You Need a Longer Break, “Fluffy Pink Clouds 101” Is Right Down the Hall

Linda: Ugh, this class is so depressing!
Professor: Let’s all take ten seconds to think about baby lambs to make Linda feel happy. [pause] Okay, back to Terri Schiavo!

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York