If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show

60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying “Easter”?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying “ass”! For saying “ass” on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?

Grandma's house
Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2008
Christianity, Default, Hair, Holidays, Illinois, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Questions, Women, Words

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm…
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

Posted on September 21, 2008
About celebrities, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, Movies, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants, Weirdness, Women

In Her Fifties, Mom's Censor Went Out on Strike

50-something mom: It was the first time I've ever heard Brian* call uncle Ned* a prick!
20-something son: Mom!
50-something mom: I don't even know what that is, a prick.
20-something son: Don't worry about it.
50-something mom: Well, Brian's right. Ned is a prick, whatever that is.

Woodbridge, Virginia

Overheard by: Cols

Posted on September 12, 2008
Default, Family, Family ties, Guys, Insults, Moms, Virginia, Words

Why Arsenal Is Losing the Battle for Hearts and Minds

Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Oi, is that a Manchester United shirt?
Eight-year-old Japanese boy: Herro.
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Hello, you cunt.

Japan

Posted on August 31, 2008
Asia, Asians, Clothes, Default, Foreigners, Gym rats, Insults, Kids, Language barrier, Questions

Always Chewing Up Movies Like Independence Day

Professor, to VCR: Oh, you socialist!

Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on August 26, 2008
Default, Insults, Massachusetts, Politics, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers

Having Missionary Sex Was Like Going on a Slip-n-Slide

Guy: Remember “sweaty boobs”?
Girl: What?
Guy: Remember he broke up with her because she had sweaty boobs!

Porter Exchange
Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on August 10, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Massachusetts, Memory lane, Questions, Rack

Something Like That Is Close to a Man's Heart

Girlfriend: This is your out-of-town toothpaste.
Boyfriend: So?
Girlfriend: Look how fucked up it is!
Boyfriend: Don't start talking shit about my toothpaste!

Shelby, Michigan

Posted on August 9, 2008
Couples, Default, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Insults

Miss Narcissus Suffers from Low Self-Esteem

Female office worker: Once I was at this club and there was a mirror across from me. Not only did I walk into it and break it accidentally, but before I did it, I remember looking at myself and saying, “Who is this bitch?” and then, crash. I talked shit about myself and then I broke the mirror.

Walnut Creek, California

Overheard by: trose