Well You Asked, Mom.

Dude on cell: Well, I’m either gonna go see the hypnotist or masturbate.

James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia

Overheard by: asm

Posted on June 25, 2015
Gossip, On the phone, Time Management, Virginia

Um, I'm Twelve.

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, that sucks that you don't have any friends, but now at least it's legal for you to drink your troubles away!

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Anne

Posted on June 23, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Delaware, Drinking & drunks, Gripes, Guys, On the phone, Pity

Hey, Even Hoboes Have Bad Days

Preppy guy on cell: Really? He didn't spit on me when I fed him the other day.

Cal Poly Pomona
Pomona, California

Overheard by: sorry, my llama is unpredictable

Posted on June 22, 2015
California, Food, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Preppies

Eh, Suze Orman's Just a Little Quirky.

Middle-aged suit on cell: Yeah… Well, I don't know. (pause) Doesn't she have Alzheimer's? (pause) I don't care if she's your mother. (pause) Yeah, well, maybe she shouldn't be trading your stocks, then.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: mo

Posted on June 21, 2015
Family ties, Maladies, New York, On the phone, Questions, Suits

“A” As in “Adolph,” “F” As in “Final Solution”…

Indian lady on crowed bus on cell: Yes. 'h' as in 'Hitler.'

Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Not Me

Posted on June 19, 2015
About celebrities, Kentucky, On the phone, Weirdness, Women, Words

And Burroing in for the Winter

Women in heels on cell: What? You had sex with a junkie? A junkie? (pause) Oh, a *donkey*. I see. (pause) So I guess you were drunk.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: walking & talking

Posted on June 15, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Massachusetts, On the phone, Questions, Sex, Women, Words

That's the Olive Garden's Call-Ahead Policy, Ma'am

Loud girl on cell: No embalming for me! I just wanna rot!

National Zoo
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on June 13, 2015
Death & dying, Girls, On the phone, Washington, DC, Wishes

We Named Them After the Kids on Seventh Heaven

Woman on cell waiting in line for lunch: Oh, to keep you in the loop, we are not getting pregnant any time soon. There is like no sperm. They said there were eight, but they were retarded.

Richmond, Virginia

Posted on June 7, 2015
Default, On the phone, Pregnancy, Virginia, Women

Though, to Be Fair, the Bicycle Had No Bell.

Girl #1: My grandfather has won the Nobel Prize!
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, he has one of those trophies in his bookshelf!
Janitor, walking in: Are you sure it was the Nobel Prize?
Girl #1: Yes, I am! Don't you believe me? I'm gonna call him and ask! (proceeds to call, hangs up sounding disappointed)
Janitor: Well?
Girl #1: Oh, it was not the Nobel Prize. It was only from a bicycle race.

High School
Sweden

Overheard by: Malin

Posted on June 5, 2015
Bragging, Family ties, Old folks, On the phone, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Sweden, Teachers

Hey, You’re the Experienced Pet-Sitter!

Cashier on cell phone: I mean… What’s the problem? Ejaculating? Is he ejaculating too much or too little? Which is the problem?

Shoprite
New Jersey

Overheard by: allison

Posted on June 4, 2015
Cum, Default, Employees, Etiquette, Gripes, New Jersey, On the phone, Questions, Relationships, Stores

On the phone