It Kind of Unloaded on Us, If You Follow Me

Religious nut: Go back to the kitchen!
Gay girl #1: We do it in the kitchen!
Gay girl #2: Oh yeah. That’s the day we realized our dishwasher had wheels.

Pride Parade
Albuquerque, New Mexico

Overheard by: Cade

Posted on July 7, 2008
Default, Girls, Insults, Lesbos, New Mexico, Pride, Religious fanatics, Sex, Sexuality

The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper

Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?

Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado

Posted on June 27, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Default, Education, Friends, Games, Philosophy, Pride, Questions, Students

Their Lips Say “Shut Up” But Their Eyes Say “Play On!”

Young woman, after graphic conversation about sex and drugs: Do you ever think, while we’re talking: “Wow, the people on the train are so lucky to get to listen to us on their morning commute!”?
Older woman: Oh my god, all the time.

Train
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: catherine

Posted on June 9, 2008
Australia, Compliments, Default, Old folks, Pride, Public transportation, Questions, Train, Women

Dude, You Suck at the Dozens

Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn’t a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.

Galleria
White Plains, New York

Overheard by: annoying blonde girl

Posted on June 7, 2008
Compare and contrast, Default, Family ties, Insults, New York, Pride, Sexuality, Teens, Thugs

To Recap: I Rock, You Suck for Money, I Get Laid for Free

Ex-husband: I can’t believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn’t “hook-up” with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that’s better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it’s quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I’m getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That’s because you are a dirty hooker.

San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on May 9, 2008
Bragging, California, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Guys, Insults, Pride, Relationships, Sex, Violence, Women

Dad’s the Best Gas-Release Coach in the Midwest

Little girl: I farted!
Dad, indifferent: Stop farting.
Little girl: I farted on the dog!
Dad, still indifferent: Continue farting.

Glendale Heights, Illinois

Overheard by: rbmmom

Posted on April 29, 2008
Animals, Compare and contrast, Dads, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Kids, Offers and requests, Pride, Sensory experiences

Non-Fucking Whorehouses Are Pretty Much Libraries

Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I’m in a fucking whorehouse.

Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Posted on April 29, 2008
Bragging, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Education, Etiquette, Pride, Teachers, Virginia, Women, Words

Projecting onto My Kids Seems to Help

Honest soccer mom: I’m really trying to get into the whole body-acceptance thing, but I just can’t get past how disgusting it is.

Westchester County, New York

Posted on April 25, 2008
Beauty, Compare and contrast, Feelings, Moms, New York, Pride, Wishes

When I Think about You, I Smell Myself

Dirty hippy skater dude: Oh man! I can smell myself.
Dirty hippy skater girl: I love it when I can smell myself!

Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California

Posted on April 23, 2008
Cleanliness, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Hippies, Pride, San Francisco, Sensory experiences

Of Course My Anal Probes Are Constantly Interrupted by Ads

Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You’re the friendster of alien abduction services, and I’m the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: LeeKelly

Posted on April 20, 2008
Bragging, Compare and contrast, Crazies, Guys, MySpace, Pride, Washington, Weirdness