If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show

60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying “Easter”?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying “ass”! For saying “ass” on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?

Grandma's house
Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2008
Christianity, Default, Hair, Holidays, Illinois, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Questions, Women, Words

But I'm Half Gay So It's Acceptable, Right?

Extremely effeminate boy (taking deep breath): So…I think I am bi. (flips hair)
Blonde girl (flipping page in magazine, sounding bored): Hmmm. Are you?
Extremely effeminate boy: Yes! (flips hair) I am bi!
Blonde girl: Well, duh. You never stop checking out other guys!
Extremely effeminate boy: I'm not gay, though. My mom thought I was gay.
Blonde girl: I know you're not gay. (pause) For one thing, you are looking at my boobs right now.
Extremely effeminate boy: Oh. Right.
Blonde girl: You feel like stopping?
Extremely effeminate boy: …not particularly.

Washington Square Park
New York City, New York

Posted on September 21, 2008
Bi-curious, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, New York, Nipples, Questions, Sexuality

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm…
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

Posted on September 21, 2008
About celebrities, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, Movies, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants, Weirdness, Women

If They Don't Remember Their Own Birthdays, Do You Need to Bother with Presents?

Mom: Do you know what next Wednesday is?
Three-year-old son: Friday!

Country Club
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Annie Tewkesbury

Posted on September 20, 2008
Default, Kids, Moms, North Carolina, Questions, Time Management, Words

There's Been a Lot of Tortured Reasoning About That in the U.S.

Genuinely confused girlfriend: Here's the thing I don't get about Guantanamo Bay…is it an actual place?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: MoMo

Posted on September 17, 2008
Canadia, Default, Girls, Politics, Questions, Stupidity, US Geography

What Santa Does the Other 364 Days a Year

Guy #1, standing in front of classroom: So he walked up to me and was like, “Dude, do you want a donut?” and of course I was like, “yeah.”
Guy #2: Well, yeah. I love donuts too.
Guy #1: So then he whips out this trash bag and it's filled to the top with donuts. So I took this one off the top and started eating it, and then I realized, dude! Where the hell did you get a trash bag full of donuts?
Guy #2: Woah. Where'd he go?!

Hanover, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Emmeline

Posted on September 17, 2008
Class, Default, Food, Guys, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Questions

What a Poetic Way Of Saying “Anus”!

Professor: Does this fit into his expanding and contracting magical porn circle?

Washington University
St Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: You can't laugh in a four person class

Posted on September 16, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Default, Missouri, Porn, Questions, Teachers, Words

It's True! I Read It on a Truckstop Bathroom Wall!

Teen guy #1: Who comes to a concert to make out?
Teen guy #2: Uh, anyone with a significant other.
Teen guy #1: If a girl will make out with you at a concert, then she's down for anything. Like she'd totally take it up the butt.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: not so much

Posted on September 16, 2008
Backdoor, California, Default, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Music, Questions, Relationships, Teens

Maturity Takes Awhile to Develop

Teen girl: I hate you.
Teen guy: You hate me? Nice. Real mature… (pause) Oh my god! An Elmo lunchbox!

Officeworks
Bendigo
Australia

Overheard by: ColdSpiral

Posted on September 15, 2008
Age and ageing, Australia, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Girls, Guys, Questions, Teens

Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?

Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.

Rutland, Vermont

Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom

Posted on September 13, 2008
Compare and contrast, Customers, Default, Employees, Malls, Offers and requests, Public transportation, Questions, US Geography, Vermont, Violence

Questions