Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.
Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Old lady: I'm not very hungry, I'm gonna have something small.
Old man: If you wanted something small, we would have stayed at home and I would have given you something small.
Lester's Diner
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Two-year-old: Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…
Mother, trying to talk to her friend: What?!
Two-year-old, thrusting pizza at her: Blow me!
Mom’s friend: Well, that’s one for the baby book.
Pizza Hut
Maryland
Loud grad student in restaurant: I don’t know why anyone would want to be a relativist when they could be an expressivist!
Overheard by: Monkey
Guy, crying: Ahhh! I just had sex with Stephen Hawking right up here, in my head!
Starbucks
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overly chatty middle-aged guy on date: Doctors love giving women a hysterectomy. They will find any reason to give a woman a hysterectomy. Like, we're already up there, might as well scoop it on out now.
Italian Restaurant
Highland, California
Overheard by: well,,,there goes my appetite.
Loudmouthed breakfast patron: I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but what if you keep kosher and someone, like, brings a pig to your house? Like, what do you do with their pet pig?
Toast Two
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Paul
Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don’t kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!
Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California
Exceedingly pale college guy: You can't trust redheads. They don't blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Dude: She fucks like a division one athlete. I swear, I take three shots of whiskey before I go to her place. I need to have the spins so I have any chance of lasting.
Ten Stone
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: johnny
Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.
Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania
