Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Mother to teen daughter: And then you, me, and your aunt can mount the pillow like last time.
Wal-Mart
Augusta, Georgia
Overheard by: Annissa
Tourist: Is it solid silver?
Salesman: Let me show you. First, do you know how to tell the difference between solid silver and silver plate?
Tourist: No.
Salesman: This is solid silver.
Dodgy Souvenir Shop
Egypt
Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.
CVS
Boston, Massachusetts
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things…until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh…?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Woman #1: Hey! Look! Trees!
Woman #2: No, you can't get one. Not after you killed the last one we gave you.
De Anza Flea Market
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
