Weirdness

Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I'd brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he's doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it's all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.

Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California

Man: There's Tucson for you, turning a great burger joint into a craphole.
Child: Yeah, I bet if you touched anyone in this restaurant, they would be sticky.

Tucson Arizona

Overheard by: Casey Stendahl

Girl #1: Me and my boyfriend play this game called jeep, and it's when you see a jeep you say “jeep,” and I will win.
Girl #2: That sounds like fun!

Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: No I will

White guy with dreadlocks: I don't even know how many penises and swastikas are drawn on him. It's ridiculous! (walks by a parked pickup truck, reaches in the window, and honks the horn) Horn works!
Owner of the truck: What the hell?

Arizona State University

Overheard by: Felicity

High school girl on phone: Wait… How do I rape you?

Denver, Colorado

Girl on cell: They had Greenland and Iceland on the test. (pause) Yeah, apparently they're two different things. (pause) I dunno, Greenland is the cold one, or something. (pause) Yeah, I think it was unfair, too.

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ginger

Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!

Beaverton, Oregon

Overheard by: facepalm

Blue collar guy on lunch break: Does she use a strap-on or does she have something that pops out like a turtle head?

Northwestern Law School
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: What a Horrible Visual

Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Little Tommy Lee Had Quite the Ego.

Seven-year-old in underwear in dressing room, doing pelvis thrusts: Look at my horse! My horse is amazing!

Target
Ithaca, New York