Wishes

Is That Even Possible?

Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J… Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.

Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton

Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious…

Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.

McDonald's
Ohio

Overheard by: Dylan

Doesn’t Seem Like Much of a Stretch for Either of Us

Preppy guy: You’re such a bitch, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thanks?
Preppy guy: No, in a good way.
Alexandra: How can you be a bitch in a good way?
Preppy guy: You’re the kind of bitch that makes me wish I was gay so we could sit at an outside cafe and make fun of people’s outfits when they walk by.

Starbucks, Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: i want to, too!

In Canadia, Even the Pedophiles Are Kinda Quaint

Lounging suburban man to passers-by: Your kids look like they want to do the chicken limbo.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: The cool aunt

I’m Not Allowed to Use Them at Home

Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I’m including this part because I enjoy saying words like “anus”.

South Dakota State University
South Dakota

Freud: See, That's What I Always Thought

Older woman, speaking fondly of her husband: I just want to go home and be with my Dick.

Boise, Idaho

Overheard by: just me

Wow. Suddenly I Loathe Myself.

Client: So, how will we work it out if I want a custom tattoo designed?
Tattoo artist: Have you ever been shopping with your girlfriend where you just sort of follow her around for a while and point stuff out until you figure out what she wants?
Client: Yeah…
Tattoo artist: It's just like that, except you're the girlfriend.

Americana Tattoo Parlor
Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Clarissa St. Tacocrotch

Yes, the Naked Guy in the Back –Question?

Professor: If you want to get drunk and run around your house naked in your free time that’s your own business, but you’re not going to do that at work when you’re in public.

Metropolitan State College of Denver
Denver, Colorado

Succubi Are Surprisingly Good Mothers, Considering

Small boy: [Runs up to his mother and hugs her around the waist.] Don’t take my soul!

Macy’s
Salem, New Hampshire

Theme Parks Are Quite Different in Europe

Loud, fat american teen: I have to take the biggest leak ever. Pause. And then I want to check out those hedgehogs.

Market in Freiburg, Germany

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