Wishes

…She Put Two Drinks Up There?

Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.

Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: j-we

Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust

Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.

Target
Atlanta, Georgia

I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others

Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Wasn't That a Jason Statham Movie?

Old WWII man to another: If I was President of the United States, before I'd let anyone have a license to drive a car I'd make everyone drive a motorcycle for a year to learn defensive driving.

McDonald's
Southington, Connecticut

Overheard by: Raven

Just the Classy Ones.

Girl to another: I had to just say, like, not every girl wants a photo of your asshole.

MusicFest
Allentown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Stretchen

Any Excuse to Put Fruit on Your Bottom

Early 20-something woman on cell with boyfriend: I would love to dress you up as yogurt!

Potomac, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Is That Even Possible?

Jersey Shore fan: Can you put on Jersey Shore? It's the reunion!
Bartender: Sure, I was kind of hoping someone would ask.
Female drinker: Wow, I am going to watch this dumbass show in a bar, is this happening?
Jersey Shore fan: You love it, don't try to lie cause your boys are here.
Bartender: These people are crazy, and that's why we watch.
Bar patron: I cant believe I am watching the reunion show without having seen a full episode. You are right: I cant stop watching this. What the fuck? Is her name J-Lo?
Jersey Shore fan: J… Wow! She is awesome, snookie is my favorite. I wish I could be friends with her.
Bartender: You have enough slutty friends.

Bar
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Earnie Hustleton

Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious…

Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.

McDonald's
Ohio

Overheard by: Dylan

Doesn’t Seem Like Much of a Stretch for Either of Us

Preppy guy: You’re such a bitch, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thanks?
Preppy guy: No, in a good way.
Alexandra: How can you be a bitch in a good way?
Preppy guy: You’re the kind of bitch that makes me wish I was gay so we could sit at an outside cafe and make fun of people’s outfits when they walk by.

Starbucks, Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: i want to, too!

In Canadia, Even the Pedophiles Are Kinda Quaint

Lounging suburban man to passers-by: Your kids look like they want to do the chicken limbo.

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: The cool aunt

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