Last Time I Tried That, the Other Girl and I Both Ended Up with Concussions

(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Posted on October 19, 2016
Default, Drunks, Guys, Illinois, Insults, Money, Restroom, Santa Claus, Vagina, Wishes, Women

Why Sherry Got Fired from Her Movie Critic Gig

Girl watching Christian Bale in The Dark Knight: If I had a cock I'd so fuck him in the mouth.

Racine, Wisconsin

Posted on August 25, 2016
About celebrities, Biotechs, Movies, Penis, Sex, Weirdness, Wisconsin, Wishes

We've All Been Burned by Facebook Applications, Marcie

College girl: I don't want to spam twenty people! I just want to know what fucking Disney princess I am!

Hofstra University
Long Island, New York

Posted on July 19, 2016
Colleges & Universities, Default, Girls, Internet, New York, Pop culture, Sorority types, Wishes

Michael Kors Drunk on Vacation Is Pretty Much What You'd Expect.

Man in the street, yelling: I need more pockets! Cargo pants!

Miami, Florida

Posted on July 14, 2016
Clothes, Florida, Guys, Weirdness, Wishes

…She Put Two Drinks Up There?

Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.

Chinese Restaurant
Lexington, Kentucky

Overheard by: j-we

Posted on June 22, 2016
Drinking & drunks, Insults, Kentucky, Masturbation, Queers, Restaurants, Sorority types, Wishes

Well, That Self-Actualization Seminar Was a Bust

Nine year-old girl: I want that shirt and you are going to get it for me. Any questions?
Mom: Many. Shut up and put the damn shirt back.

Target
Atlanta, Georgia

Posted on April 14, 2016
Clothes, Default, Etiquette, Family ties, Georgia, Gifts, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Shopping, Stores, Wishes

I Wish I Was a Dog So I Could Pick the Butts Of Others

Woman to group of friends: I wish I was a little kid, so I could pick my butt whenever I wanted.

Disneyland
Anaheim, California

Posted on March 16, 2016
Ass, California, Friends, Kids, Weirdness, Wishes, Women

Wasn't That a Jason Statham Movie?

Old WWII man to another: If I was President of the United States, before I'd let anyone have a license to drive a car I'd make everyone drive a motorcycle for a year to learn defensive driving.

McDonald's
Southington, Connecticut

Overheard by: Raven