Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
Pretty blonde snuggling with Asian boyfriend: Honey, I'm sorry I was so crazy earlier.
Asian boyfriend: It's okay, sweetie, but I am going to have to punish you when we get home.
Pretty blonde, smiling: A spanking?
Asian boyfriend, kissing her forehead: Whatever you want, sweetie.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Emo girl #1: I don't want to smell bad; I just want to look like crap.
Emo girl #2: Yeah…
Hospital
Salt Lake City, Utah
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/08/it_will_be_a_marriage_built_on.html
Overheard by: bleep
Saleswoman: Have a nice day!
Irritated customer: I've already made other plans.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
College therapist to class: Now take deep, slow breaths. We don't want stress to take over, because stress means purple elephants.
Marquette, Michigan
Teacher: If there's a bee flying around the classroom, I don't want you to freak out. But, if you get stung by a bee, I want you to jump up, scream, run for the door, run into the door because you didn't open it, scream again, and run out. If you're going to disturb the class, we might as well get a laugh out of it.
Bristol, Vermont
Overheard by: Misaki
Brazilian guy to American: Pleeeeeaaase? Say it. Say it. Say “fucker de matriz” in English.
Brazilian girlfriend: He wants you to say (whispers) “motherfucker”.
American guy: Okay. (blandly) Motherfucker.
Brazilian guy: No! Like an American, please!
American guy: Huh? Oh, “muthafucka!”
Brazilian guy, laughing giddily and clapping: Yes! Yes! Muthafucka, excellent!
ViaRail Train
Canadia
Overheard by: Jim
Teenage girl: Yeah, he just couldn't orgasm! I spent like three hours on that shit, and after about an hour I was so thirsty I wanted to say “hold up, I'm gonna go get a big gulp.” (friend bursts into laughter)
Birmingham, Alabama
Hipster chick to hipster dude: If you could do any profession, what would you do? Like, if you gave your whole self to something?
Hipster dude: I don't know.
Hipster girl: I would be a tree surgeon.
Hipster dude: What's that?
Hipster girl: Like, it's an environmental way to trim trees. I would go around climbing trees all day and snipping them, and like, live in the forest. But I probably won't do that.
Hipster dude: Oh.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
